I Promise I’m Just Thinking About It

I’m always thinking about the next house project. My husband says the most nervous he gets is when he hears me using the tape measurer. Even when I’m not actively planning something, I’m quietly imagining it.

I look out at our backyard and start to picture what it would feel like if we planted a row of hollies along the alley to create a natural green screen—softening the view into our neighbor’s backyard. I wonder what would happen if we knocked out just a little bit of the wall to improve flow. What if we changed the chandelier just for aesthetics? Or added wallpaper for a pop of something new? You name it, I’ve probably thought about it.

Wesley has learned to ask a clarifying question before reacting. “Is this a today thing, or are you just thinking about it?”

In the most flattering light, it’s a today project if I think it’s small, inexpensive, and I can knock it out myself. More often, it’s just me thinking aloud, turning the idea over in my mind, seeing if it sticks.

But does that mean I’m not content with what is? Not at all. I love our house.

But I didn’t hire a decorator to design it. That’s not because I don’t admire their work—I do. I’ve lingered over websites and Instagram feeds, imagining how complete a space might feel if a designer had been involved. But in all three homes I’ve lived in (not counting the string of apartments and dorm rooms), I’ve always put things together myself. As the weeks and months go on, I find something new I like. I replace something old. I shuffle art from one room to another until it all feels right—for now.

And I’ve started to realize—that’s how I lead too.

Our assistant director of operations jokes that she never writes down anything I say the first time, because it’s bound to change. She’s not wrong. I’m an iterative thinker—and I don’t tend to keep my ideas in my head. I talk through them with others. And when something feels within reach (particularly the “small” things), I’ll often jump in and do it myself. Hang art at school? I’m on it. Assemble that Wayfair or IKEA bookcase? Already done.

But this approach shows up in the big things too. Last year, we completed our strategic visioning entirely in house. It didn’t feel radical. I’d been thinking about our vision informally for two years already, so leading the community through that process in year three felt like a natural extension of what we were already building. I didn’t feel the need to hire a consultant—not because I don’t respect what they do—but because I could already see how I wanted it to come together.

Lately, I’ve been wondering—is that replicable?

I love our vision. In my intro video to the community, I said that every vision should be three things: authentic, aspirational, and actionable. And I believe part of what made ours so authentic is that we did it ourselves.

But maybe I’ve also been asking the wrong question. Maybe it’s not about replicating a particular method, but about recognizing and leaning into your own strengths. Maybe it’s about knowing if you’re the one who brings the tape measurer—or the one who asks, “is this a today thing?”

Because here’s the truth—our house, our home, and our life wouldn’t be what or where they are without Wesley’s enviable consistency and quiet discipline. He shows up. He follows through. He makes to-do lists and actually crosses things off. One of us sees what could be and the other makes sure we don’t lose sight of what already works.

We don’t lead the same way. But we build together.